Hey Memphisheads!
If you have been following the blog, you will recall that for several Thursdays, the Memphis Fantasticals have taken to the fields of Central Park as part of the Broadway Softball League. Stage Manger/Coach of the Fantasticals, Gary Mickelson, wrote this email and sent it out to the team as part of the “end of the season” report.
It was so good/funny, I had to share. If you don’t recognize some of the names, they might be members of the crew or a “Fr.O.G.” (Friend of Gary). Each team is allowed a certain amount of “friends” (or Fr.O.Gs in our case) which was truly helpful as TONY rehearsals kept many regular cast members away from the fields during the season.
Sidenote: And yes, Tom Wopat, who starred in Sondheim on Sondheim this year, was part of our Team; a fact I enjoy immensely.
Coach Gary
Hello team -
First of all, a big thank you to all who played this year – I hope it was fun for you. Given the number of players we lost to out of town jobs and/or injuries over the year (9!) AND the number of pitchers we had (6!) AND the number of people who signed up to play but never played (6!) AND the weeks where the Tony’s interfered (3!) AND the week where Broadway In Bryant Park interfered etc etc we did not do so poorly. Though our record may not have indicated as such, there were some definite highs in our season (and I’m not just talking about Ashley’s Booty-Shorts or Candice’s black & pink matching cleats/glove combo). The highlights include but are not limited to . . . (you may want to cue up that Green Day song about having the “Time of Your Life” for this – speaking of that song, I sang that on expert level on Green Day Rockband the other day and scored 99% – but I digress…) Ok, here we go . . .
10 BEST BATTING AVERAGES: (with at least 10 at bats, Edgar, so don’t get all up in my grill about not listing your .571!)
1 – Derrick “I’ll Get Y’all Used To Me & Then Leave” Trumbly – .600
2 – Daniel “I Overslept and/or Woke Up Vomiting” Watts – .522
3 – Joe “We Gotta Beat HAIR Because I’ve Been Trash Talking All Week” Manoy – .520
4 – James “I Play With All Sorts of Injuries” Bondy – .500
5 – Brandon “Sleepy” Ellis – .500 (Note: same avg as Bondy but fewer AB’s)
6 – Ty “I Will Play Any Position, But Please Gary Don’t Make Me Pitch Again” Lackey – .467
7 – Ephraim “I Was So Robbed When That Lady Ump Called That Ball Foul” Sykes – .429
8 – Mike “I Gotta Do Rachel Ray This Week” Maher – .423
9 – Gary “That Ball Was At My Chin and You Called That Strike Three?” Mickelson – .417
10 – Tom “Go Easy On Me, I’m Gonna Be 60 Soon” Wopat – .400
NOTE: Ashley “Oh, Canada!” Taylor topped all the ladies with a BA of .318, 4 Runs, 4 RBI & 3 Walks. And just think how wonderful it would have been to have Moe “I Have To Do Daywork” Leshley at more games…she only had 8 at bats but had a strong BA of .375, scored 2 Runs, 2 RBI & 3 Walks.
MOST RBI:
Mike “The Daily Show” Daly – 14
MOST HITS:
James “I Keep My Own Stats and I Think I Have 18 Hits” Bondy – 17
MOST RUNS:
Joe “I Think My Brother is Playing Next Week” Manoy – 9
EAGLE EYE AWARD (Most Walks)
Brandon “I Got Some Weird Rectal Disease in Holland” Ellis – 4
IRON MAN AWARD (Played Every Game)
“Bondy, (pause) ” James Bondy
STEROID AWARD (Most Home Runs)
3-Way Tie with a Whopping 1 Home Run Each! (said the man who can basically only hit singles!)
1 – Daniel “My Apartment is a Mess” Watts (listed first because his was a game-winning walkoff homer)
2 – Derrick “One Man Wrecking Machine Against LION KING” Trumbly
3 – Adam “Where Did I Go?” Mastrelli (listed last because he hit a 3-Run Homer in the 1st Regular Season Game and then moved to Florida)
Note: Mike “My God, I’m Handsome” Daly absolutely crushed a ball that would have been a Homerun under ANY other Umpire but it hit a lone leaf on a tree thus, first-year Umpire Lilly ruled it a Dead Ball. Everyone, spread your arms, look to the sky and scream, “Lilly!” a la Captain James Tiberius Kirk.
Let’s get ‘em next year – Hockadoo!
Cheers & Thank you
Gary Mickelson
About “going on” 60…I’ve got a song for that. Sounds curiously like a song I’ve heard called “50 Checks.”
Comment by Jane Walsh — July 30, 2010 @ 10:22 am